Wow. That's a lot to deal with. I do not have the same issues as you, but I do no what it feels like to deal with a dysfunctional mother, and all the drama she brings. It hurts, it's painful, and it's confusing. Your mother made a decision, and unfortunately, you may NEVER understand why. Despite not knowing, you can still have peace in your life if you choose to forgive her. At the end of the day, she is only human. Humans have this nasty habit of letting you down sometimes, even the ones who are supposed to love you. Apparently, your mother has issues. Her issues are her problem, not yours. Don't let her issues weigh you down and affect your life anymore.

Your question is whether you should give her money, and my answer is a resounding "NO". When you help someone financially, you should do it with a glad heart, because you know that person is in need or you feel the urge to. You should never give someone money because you feel guilty, or forced to, or if you are doing it because you think you have an obligation. Do you OWE your mom respect? Probably not. Does it benefit your life in any way to be disrespectful, nasty, unforgiving, or vengeful? Absolutely not. So then, it's not about what you owe her or should give her, but rather, how you can live your life in such a way that you will be the best you can be. It's not about her. If you are giving her money for any other reason than from the kindness and generosity of your heart, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

You begin to find your voice when you learn to say no. Saying no doesn't mean you are mean or disrespectful. You have the right, as an adult, to say no and to begin setting some boundaries. It's difficult, I know, but when you set boundaries you will feel stronger and you will start feeling better about yourself. You can turn what appears to be a negative beginning into something positive, and it begins by looking at your beginning in a different light. Instead of focusing on the fact that your mom did not want you (though in reality, it's probably more like she was in a bad place, and did not want you but couldn't handle it), you can look at it from a viewpoint of your mom doing a selfless act by putting you in the hands of someone who could give you the love you deserve.

I don't understand you at all. You're angry at your mother for giving you to her mother to care for you and keeping your two brothers, and your two brothers are in jail. It sounds like your birth mother made the right decision in regards to you. You should be happy about that.

You are also stating that your aunt is the one who told you that your birth mother didn't want you because you were born female. If I trusted everything that everyone told me, I would believe a lot of untruths, even from family members.

It sounds like you have a lot of issues and a lot of anger. Again, I don't know why, because your mother did the right thing. Instead of having social services taking you, your grandmother has raised you, and this was because of the decision your birth mother made.

As far as the money thing goes, this isn't your responsibility. She should be asking, if anyone at all, her own mother. But this issue is really beside the point.

There are a lot of women in this world who are unable to care for their children--whether it is for financial reasons, mental health reasons, physical health reasons, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, etc. From the sounds of it, your mother could not care for her children and, again, you should be grateful that your grandmother raised you. If she had kept you, you may be in jail, too.

There are also a lot of people in this world who were put up for adoption or given to another family member (legal guardianship) in lieu of being taken by the state for neglect and stuck in a foster system for their entire lives. I'm sure that if you had a choice between the three options, you would probably choose your grandmother. Maybe I'm wrong.

You start with women who are capable of caring for their children, but from the story you've offered it does not sound like your mother was mentally capable of taking care of children at all. If she had been capable your two brothers wouldn't be in jail. A successful, capable parent doesn't end up with the only two children they raised behind bars.

You need to stop worrying about your biological mother and why she did or didn't do things and thank your grandmother for raising your properly when it is clear that the woman who birthed you would have put you into a mess of a life. You might be in prison right along with your brothers had she not given you to your grandmother! Would you prefer that?

And who cares why she did it? If it was because you were born a girl then so be it, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a horrible birth mother and an awesome grandmother who stepped up to the plate to make sure you turned out as a good human being - or at least I hope you are, and assume you are since horrible humans don't worry about stuff like this.

Sometimes it's best to let go. My mother abandoned me when I was 12 years old because I wanted to live with my father, who was more able to care for me financially and physically. Rather than dwelling on it, or the fact that she doted on my older sister while beating the crap out of me and telling me how ugly and horrible I was, I went on with my life, was thankful to my father for saving me from her and was even thankful to my mother for leaving, because if she'd stuck around I'd have way more life problems than I have now.

As for the whole honor your mother thing, your grandmother is your mother. Giving birth doesn't automatically make someone a mother. You need to honor the person who was a parent to you, not the person who brought you into the world. Thank her for giving birth to you and making the right choice to give you to your grandmother; that's all she deserves.

Also, don't give her money. Just say no! And please seek some kind of therapy. There's no shame in getting help for getting over your emotional problems and it's clear you have a ton of baggage that you need help navigating and getting over.

I'm mad at my mother because she wasn't there for me. I wasn't with my moms mother I went to stay with ny fathers mom. So that's why I really don't blame my father for anything, he is also deaf. My mom use to come granny (fathers mother) and talk about me I had acne bad but I was a teenager. My brothers and I was taking in custody, even though we was in different households there was never a paper saying my granny had custody of me at that time. So long story short I never stayed a day in my pigeons with my moms side of the family, but I always stayed in contact with my grandpa. I stayed with my fathers side of the family since I was born. I have a bunch a pictures with my father but not one with my mother.
I feel like my father stepped in and did his part but I don't feel the same way about my mother. I am grateful that I was raised by my granny. There is just so much to this story to write. My mom took to hell and back. I don't calls for my birthday or anything, only if she need some money. Just the others came to my house telling me she's going to call the police on me because she thinks I still get high. This lady is beyond crazy.
My auntie told me that when I was young I can't remember the age but I believe I was under ten. I use to ask why my brothers go with her and not me. I didnt believe my aunt at the time but when I was in the children services I guess they got it out of her; she finally told me then I knew it was true. I just haven't been the same since.

It's natural to be bitter after all that your mother has done to you. But its also good to see that you had someone to take care of you.

I went through something similar, and I learned to forgive. But, if your mother is only looking for money and you are aware of this than it needs to be confronted. Now that you are an adult she cannot expect you to take care of her, as you need to figure life out on your own. And you need more family involved and a counselor who can listen to you and help you be firm on your decision.

It's difficult when your family attempts to coerce you into doing things you don't want to do and use emotional blackmail to do it.

Another thing that helped me was to pray for wisdom and guidance. It was a difficult struggle and still is but God will help you. His word sais 'Even if my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will take me in' Psalm 27:10. Just as you have mentioned your struggle to honor her, God sees your struggle and gives you a comforting word to help you through this process. You'll be stronger and better equipped to work around the situation, Just put it in God's hands and He'll not only back you up, He'll heal you of your bitterness and bring people into your life who will give you what you need to deal with your situation.

It is not uncommon for a woman to give birth and then give the child up for adoption. or to a family member who is willing to take care of the child. In your case your mom gave you to her mother to raise you because she felt that for whatever reason she was unable to take care of you herself. Now that you are older you are rejecting her because you feel that she rejected you in the beginning of your life. Two wrongs cannot make things right and it is up to you to work on your own issues and even if you are incapable of showing your mother love for whatever reason the least you can do is to show her respect for having brought you into this world.

This is what those in the counseling field sometimes call unfinished business. You are hanging on to something from the past that you cannot change. It comes up for you in the present though and that anger and resentment cannot possibly help you move forward in your own life. The only way to move on in a healthy way is to work through your unfinished business. It may not be easy but feeling resentment and blame over the past is not a very functional way to live.

I am guessing you may never understand the why questions you have of how your mother made the decision to stop caring for you. There is a chance that even she doesn't really know all of the reasons. However, you can try writing a letter explaining how you feel and what your experience has been. It is up to you if you want to give her the letter or not. Even the things you have written here may be of some help.

In addition you can try writing an imaginary response letter from her explaining why she did what she did. This may not be easy because it requires that you put yourself in her shoes without any judgment. Still, it can be useful to at least imagine what may have been happening for her and seeing it from her point of view. My guess is that you are so locked into your resentment that up to now you would rather argue your stance against her than make an attempt to really try to understand. Until you can do this though, you will likely continue to see yourself as a victim and will not be able to move on with your life in a healthier way.

Either way, I hope you find a way to move past this or at least make peace with your situation. Carrying around unfinished business in a burden that may people have but it is also something that can prevent us from fully living our lives. Good luck.