Keeping your family happy as a college student is rather important. You aren't just telling your folks you don't want to spend time with extended family, you're telling them you don't want to spend the holiday with them, either. Ouch.

Your parents do not have to cooperate in providing their tax information to you when you fill out your FAFSA and apply for financial aid, you know. Pick your battles and perhaps see your friends at the beginning or end of your break if your parents have an issue with you deciding your friends come before family.

I sympathize with your situation. However, you are only 19 and living at home with your parents. Although, you do sound like a mature, sensible 19-yr old. I think you should just go with your parents on this trip... HOWEVER: I suggest you make a strong pitch for making it a short-ish trip. Such as "I'm keen to see the family again" [yes I know, grit teeth] "...however, don't you think that staying over a long time could get boring for all of us? Dad, Mom, couldn't we just go for the Thurs and Fri, then come back, maybe have a family dinner just us on Fri night, then I could also spend some time during the weekend with my friends who will be in town too?"

OK - you won't get to see your friends Friday this way, but hopefully you'll get to spend Saturday with the friends. Try to convince your Dad of reasons why HE might like to make it a short-ish trip (a sports match on TV on Sat/Sun which the other branch of the family may not watch OR they like the other team). Or perhaps convince them that spending all 4 days with distant relatives might be a bit much for *everyone*.

With winter break coming up (when you'll see your friends again), I think you should just pick your battles and aim to get a shortened trip away for Thanksgiving, making it family time AND friends time (when you get back). If that doesn't work, you'll just have to go with your parents on the long version of the trip and try to make the best of it. In any case, you'll see your friends at Winter Break, so just look forward to that.

Even though you're eager to do your own thing, your parents are probably aware that this is one of the last few Thanksgivings when you're still at home with them and they probably do want to have the chance to have a very 'family-oriented' Thanksgiving. Your best bet is to ask to have the trip shortened, instead of asking to stay home.

@Alg: No, it's 18 is an adult in the states. 21 is the legal drinking age. I've tried taking the "nice" approach before and it never seems to phase them, at all. Thank you for the idea though.

@IMHO: I'm in a foster-care type situation (it's VERY complicated) in short, my "parents" (who I am referring to in my question) don't provide my tax info, I get it from my biological parents, so they can't really use that as leverage. They can, however, kick me out, but I doubt they would go that far.

@GMaine: I would argue for this, thanks for thinking of it. I think another part of the equation is that it's half family that doesn't get along and half family we've never met. So, while I'd be seeing SOME family, the other half that doesn't know I exist won't miss me.
The issue about pitching for a shorter stay would be that it's over a 10 hour drive with 2 kids who don't like to sit for very long in the car. Part of the reason they want to stay through Thursday and Friday is to give the kids some down time.

I was thinking about using the economy to my advantage; I would take over 100 pounds out of our SUV (me and baggage, save on gas and gas money) and I could watch the dog while I"m home that will also cut costs of a kennel. I"m also concerned about my school work- how do you deal with that one?
I ask cause one of my relatives who i"ll be seeing is EXTREMELY tenacious and she has hidden my school books from me before so I would spend time and be social instead of doing my homework. When really, it just made me angry and unpleasant to be around.

While I wish I could just cover my ears and say "whatever, I"ll just wait for winter break and see them all then" That's still over a month away and I"m sure you've all been lonely before and know how depressing it is, and I'm not even limiting it to relationship lonely, my friends are gone, too. It's not really a matter of getting up and making new friends, I have a few friends where I'm at but I don't see them often at all, and most of our conversations revolve around school and how busy we are. And I can only keep myself busy with homework for so long.

Hi GrimmSox, thanks for the clarification. I can see why a shorter trip just wouldn't work with such a long drive. I really feel for your situation with the school work. Your tenacious relative who hides your school books sounds truly awful! OK, in light of the info you gave I think you could push for your original plan of not going, BUT do it mainly via the schoolwork issue. (And be aware if it doesn't work you'll just have to go along with what your family is doing, unfortunately).

Here are some ways you could broach the subject to your parents:
1. Start by explaining that you are a bit stressed out because of your schoolwork. If you have a test or an assignment, or just a difficult practical lab component coming up between Thanksgiving and Winter Break, mention it now to your parents. Point it out to them in the course curriculum if need be.
2. Then go on in your reasoning to say that you had counted on having some time at home to study over the break (based on the fact that you didn't go away last Thanksgiving), but that it is going to be waaay harder to concentrate, let alone find the time to study this year while away at relatives. To drive the point home, you can add: "Remember how Auntie Sheila hides my school books?" You can add that you are aware that she means well but that it doesn't do anything to help you do the study you need. Mention that your friends will be in town and that you might want to see them on one or two occasions, and remind them this is normal for a 19-yr old. Whatever you do, don't omit to mention your friends - you will have to bring it up otherwise they might think you were lying to them if they see pics of you & friends on Facebook later, and then your parents might not trust you to be on your own again.
3. Tell them that you are serious about your studies because you want to secure a good job (you can add "like you have, Mom and Dad") when you graduate out of your Community College program. Remind them that the economy is harder now and you just want a chance to get good grades and stand out from the crowd. Point out how, unfortunately, Thanksgiving just so happens to fall soon before your test/assignment/practical component that you're stressed out about.
4. Also mention what you pointed out about the dog and the gas economy.

But if all this fails, you will have to go with them. They are your parents (well, your legal guardians) and what they say goes. Until you live on your own and are self-supporting, you have to do what they say. I know it sucks, but there it is.

The one positive nugget I have for worst-case scenario of having to go on the trip with them, is to ask to speak with them both together in private (after the little kids go to bed, for example). Say, "OK I'll come because I clearly have no other choice, but I'm still REALLY worried about my studies. Can YOU help me work a way so that I can keep up with my schoolwork over the break please?" This puts the ball in their court to offer a solution (e.g. "If Auntie Sheila tries to hide your books we'll stick up for you and insist you be allowed to have your own study time in a quiet room for a certain amount of time a day.") Or whatever. Don't offer/suggest solutions, let them come up with stuff. That means at least you'll come a little way toward solving your school work issues. Also, asking to talk with them in private about this makes it obvious that you are really truly serious about your schooling. This way you should at least be able to get some sort of practical, useful concession from your parents/guardians to the importance of getting your studies done during the trip. And if things don't seem to be working out while you're there, you can refer back to the conversation and remind them they are supposed to be helping you get some study time.

Best wishes with everything in this rather tricky situation.

Thank you for the response and insight. I"ll give this a shot.